Saturday, July 23, 2011

Birthday Blues

Sorry I've been MIA lately. I've been busier than ever and on the go like you wouldn't believe (or maybe you would) either way I have not been very good about doing regular updates. I apologize for that. 

So to catch you up on everything, Marc and I took the month off from "trying" this month. I was super excited and thinking that is was going to be great not to have doctors appointments or to have to take those evil meds. Well to be honest, I did not enjoy it whatsoever. I was probably more emotional than I have been in a really long time, I felt more anxious, and I have felt way more bitterness creeping in than in the previous months. All of that to say it has been a really hard month. There have been other things too, but what I'm currently most sad about is that it's my birthday. I think knowing that the birthday has been vastly approaching, my attitude has gotten significantly worse. I usually am the type of person that loves celebrating and making a huge deal about it, but this time is different. I rather we not even acknowledge the day because I don't want to get older. See the thing is that I really wanted to be a young mom, and at the rate I'm going that is just not going to happen. So it makes me sad. I hate milestones, which I know I have said before, but seriously they are constant reminders that I do not have a child. At this point I have no end in sight and that is hard to swallow. I know I have no control over it anymore and I continue to surrender it to Him. I know Marc and I will get through this, I'm just sad right now. I just don't like that I'm another year older. Please don't get my wrong, I do know I'm still young in most people's eyes, but that doesn't change the fact that I want a baby any less.

But to lighten up the mood, my sweet, sweet mother knew I needed to get away, and so she has whisked me away to the BEACH! She planned a spontaneous trip for us like a week ago and now I'm currently in Florida! It's beautiful and BLUE! But a much happier blue than what I've been feeling. I'm so grateful for this time away with my mom and sis. 
My happy place!

Vacations have to be cheaper than therapy... right?!? That's what my momma has always taught me, so I will just keep trying to escape my problems for the time being by going on as many trips as possible ;)
The good thing is, nothing is holding me back! Ha.


Linds said...

so sorry Michelle. I am praying for you. Hugs to you my friend!

And what a great momma! The beach would be my escape as well :) have fun!