1st Mothers Day

Well I finally got to experience my first Mothers Day. It was surreal, but so wonderful. I still wish I could be holding a newborn because sometimes it still just doesn't feel that real that I'm still pregnant. I'm thankful I was able to wake up and feel joy again. I still thought a lot about how I felt last year and I honestly could not stop thinking about those who have lost mothers, babies or who are still waiting. I know God's plan and timing are perfect, but honestly Holidays exaggerate most emotions and sometimes it can just be plain hard.

When I woke up, I woke up to some really sweet text messages. I was blown away at how many I received wishing me a Happy 1st Mothers Day. I felt so truly blessed by each one and was shocked that people would think of me.Marc really spoiled me. He woke up and went and got me some delicious donuts! I think the baby really loves some donuts! All I know is I scarfed those suckers down fast! Yum. I looove donuts and really always have. Horrible, I know! I'm sure that baby was flipping all around while we were sitting in church. I can't feel Marchelle move yet, but I keep waiting to feel a flutter, I'm definitely paying attention to all twinges right now! It was also great because I actually attended church for the first time in several years on Mothers Day. They always do baby dedications on those mornings and it is just something that I couldn't handle in the past. Just maybe, next year I will be doing that.

I also received some really special cards. Marc made a card and wrote some the sweetest things I think he's ever written to me. He also made me a gift card! He got me 10 hours with one of our friends that is a designer around our area and she has done some incredible design work on nurseries. He came up with this all on his own. I'm so excited! I love decorating, but have the hardest time getting started, so I'm hoping she can help me dream up a fun plan and then I can help execute it! I.can't.wait!









I also just want to say thanks to all of our moms out there who have helped us through the past few years! Not sure where we would be without all the support and prayers. We will forever be thankful.
And to those that are still waiting, I do understand your grief and my prayers go out to you.
Love you all!

Happy Mothers Day to my Mom(s)

I just wanted to give a shout out to my wonderful mom.  She is so amazing. She puts herself last and wants to make everyone else happy. She has become one of my best friends and I'm not sure what I would do without her. Thanks for all you do mom!

 3 generations

 what she does best... loves me and encourages me

Marc's mom- I'm blessed to have gained a wonderful mother-in-law who is supportive and encouraging to us. And the plus side is that they both get along! That is always a win!

Her throne. This is where she is residing today and I'm so jealous. This is her happy place.

 and I promise you she has the best legs out of all the moms out there.

(too bad I didn't get them)

They are ridiculously toned and I have envied them my entire life



Thanks to all of our moms who love us and pray for us daily. We are blessed.

On another note, my heart is heavy for those who have lost their moms, babies, or can't have kids. It is a constant reminder and feels like little daggers stabbing you all day. There is no way around it being hard, it just is. It is also very hard to explain it to someone who has never dealt with any of those issues.

It has been an unusually hard weekend for me, I just can't shake the tears. I think it just hit me so hard that I was "supposed" to be a mom by now. I remember sitting in church last mothers day, thinking I could be up there dedicating my baby next year. Instead, everyone else will be up there and I will just be waiting indefinitely. I think it also hit me hard because my sis moved back home for the summer this weekend. I can remember thinking 5 years ago (I swear that is no exaggeration) that I would have a baby her freshman year of college, and then she would of course want to stay with me over the summer to help me....Instead, she is gone for the summer, and I have no baby to care of and I will miss her extremely bad...

All of these thoughts prevented me from going to church this morning. I kept thinking I just won't be able to handle it. I'm going to cause a big scene with all of the tears and it just wasn't worth it. I guess in a selfish way I'm trying to protect myself from any more hurt than I already have had.

Sorry for the venting. I do hope some day I will be able to enjoy this Holiday because I'm sure it feels wonderful, but I will never forget those who are hurting on this day. Because I know I'm not the only one.