Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Peace or Numbness?

I'm not quite sure which one I'm feeling. I was feeling real great, and more on the peaceful side of things last week. This week has a bit of a different tune. I think coming back from an amazing vacation is just hard no matter which way you look at it. I always seem to experience a little bit of vacation blues. This time has been no different. I think reality has this way of gently slapping you right smack dab in the face.
Monday afternoon I got a lovely call from the women's clinic I go to. We had Marc tested for some different things and there is another problem that is causing infertility, so not only do I have something wrong, he also does as well. Therefore, resulting in a double whammy for us. It provides a few more answers which is good, but it also means we will move on to other treatments such as iui or ivf. For those that have never dealt with infertility or have had a friend that has had it, it means- iui=artificial insemination and ivf= invitro fertilization.

While I got the call, I was prepared to just bust into tears afterwards at any moment, but I didn't. I think I'm just getting numb to the whole situation. I mean what is one more thing, right? I almost feel like laughing about it at this point. Definitely tired of crying my eyes out every single month. So for now, I think I will enjoy the numbness and continue laughing my way through this while I wait on HIM!

Last week as I was meeting for discipleship, I read this devotional from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

WAITING ON ME means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself. Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live: all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of Me as you go about your daily duties.
I have promised many blessings to those who wait on Me: renewed strength, living above one's circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of my continual Presence. Waiting on Me enables you to glorify Me by living in deep dependence on Me, ready to do My will. It also helps you to enjoy Me; in My Presence is fullness of Joy.

 (Lam. 3:24-26; Isa. 40:31; Psalm 16:11)

Thanks for all who have already lifted us up through prayer. We are humbled and thankful for all of them. It definitely is encouraging for us to know we are being lifted in prayer.


kate said...

Michelle, I am thankful you have some answers and are able to move to another step in this process of having a baby. You are definitely in our prayers. That devotional you are reading is amazing and always seems to hit home with me. Love you so much.

Linds said...

I just read a blog post from a blog I follow who is also struggling with infertility and it described the cycle of grief.

I think it's normal to feel numb. But I would also encourage you to not let numb be a synonym for not allowing yourself to feel either.

I'm SO sorry that you're having to deal with this. It's something I wouldn't wish on ANYONE. I'm praying for you and Marc.