Sunday, April 22, 2012


As I reflect back on this weekend I have so many thoughts running through my head. It was one of the most emotional weekends I have yet to experience in my life.
I went to Dallas to attend the service for my friend, Mare's 3 babies. As I got there, I received a text from another very close friend letting me know she had to have an emergency C-section and that her baby was in the NICU. She just so happens to live very close to the Dallas area as well.
What a whirlwind it has been. I honestly feel like I can't sort out my thoughts on what all has happened. These were my only 2 (real life) friends that walked the infertility journey with me at the same time. These were the 2 that understood everything. These were the ones I confided in the whole time. These were the ones I truly could rejoice in their happiness of finding out they were pregnant.
These are the 2 that have babies in the NICU... I can't wrap my mind around it all, it just all seems like a bad dream.

If you had told me 10 years ago as I was graduating with all my friends and moving into my college dorm room w/ Mare that I would be attending her babies funeral and her mothers funeral all in one week, I would have laughed in your face. That kind of stuff just doesn't happen...or so I thought. No one should have to go through the things she has had to experience. It seems so unfair. But as her preacher said during the service, this world is a fallen world and we are unfortunately are on this side of it. One day we will be redeemed, reunited and reconnected in which there is no sin, no death, and no crying. I can't wait for that day!
The service for the babies was just perfect. The place was beautiful and the service was amazing. We know that God is holding those babies in His lap and that they are absolutely perfect. Even in the midst of tragedy, God was given glory. I don't know how Mare and Reid kept it together, but they did and I stood in awe.
It felt so wonderful to hug her neck. I just wish I could take some of her pain away. I think about sweet Olivia and thankful she is a feisty fighter. I'm praying so hard for her to keep thriving.

After I left her house I went to see my other friend in the hospital. She felt like she had just woken up from a bad dream but was doing incredibly well for what all had just went down. She said her doctor came right before they wheeled her back and prepared her for the worst for when he came out... Praise Jesus he came out breathing. She was 31 weeks and he weighs 3.4lbs. It is truly a miracle how Gods hand was over everything. He is doing great and we are still praying that he would grow and thrive.

As I sat last night just reflecting back on the day, I was flooded with all kinds of emotions. I was sad, thankful, overwhelmed, scared, fearful, and very weepy. I ache for my friends to hold those babies and bring them home. They have waited so long but perhaps still have very long roads to travel.
It makes me wonder what lies ahead for me. I keep reminding myself that He already knows the outcome and He is still in control and not me.

I love the verse Mare posted on her blog...

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
        (Psalm 34:18 ESV)


Mallory said...

I've been praying for Mare and her husband since I found out on your blog. Going through IF myself I know it's a bumpy road and I can't imagine your weekend of emotions. Hang in there!