It all started on Fathers Day Sunday. I woke up extremely sad. I had my first symptom of pms and knew what that meant, plus it was a Holiday and a perfect reminder that we aren't yet parents. I'm not a fan of Holidays, birthdays or milestones these days. Its just plain hard, no way around that.
To give you some background info, we just finished our 3rd iui with my 6th round of clomid. This time I had 2 BIG egg follicles, which was terrific and the first time ever that has ever happened. I was feeling so positive and hopeful for this round to work. We had tons of people lifting us up in prayer and I felt so incredibly supported. Unfortunately, the inevitable happened, I started and was devastated. Probably more so than ever. I felt defeated, alone, sad, angry and just plain exhausted from it all. I just kept thinking, why God, why. I don't understand, although I do know he has a perfectly good reason.
So on top of all that, I also found out the next day that several people I know are expecting. That is just never easy. I always feel mad and then seem to grieve about it each time. I hate that, I really do want to just be happy for everyone as I should be, it's just way easier said than done.
After one "mental health" day off from work and one major meltdown, and a lot of time talking to the Big guy, I started to feel better. I also had some sweet gifts and words of encouragement from my family and friends, which meant so much to me.
So for this month we have decided to take a break from everything. No drugs, no Dr's appointments, no procedures, nada. I feel really good about this, we want and need a break because it is so exhausting. Then I'm not sure about what the next step and months will look like. Praying about those next steps...whatever they may be.