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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

unThankful

As I was sitting in church this past Sunday, the service was all about gratitude. I was thinking "seriously God, you have got to be kidding me." We had a time of sharing of what God was doing in others lives and how grateful everyone was. Then we sang "thankful" songs while I kept sitting there with a very un-Thankful heart. I did not want to be there. I felt like I was getting madder by the moment. Mad at God, mad at my situation, mad at the people sitting next to me, mad that the ivf didn't work, practically mad at the world. I was ashamed that I was feeling this way. I knew it was wrong and I knew my heart was not in a good place.
I sat there trying to think of 1 thing I was grateful for to try and snap myself out of it. I instead came up with 3. I was grateful for Marc, my family and my 3 frozen babies.
Then a girl whom i know began to sing this song. Talk about snap you out of it...

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our sufferingAll the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate pleaAnd long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Courtesy of lyricshall.com

Talk about powerful. I think I may read those lyrics everyday I wake up. Knowing His mercies are in disguise changes my train of thought a little lot.
For that, I am no longer un-Thankful but very Thankful that he still loves and is still near to me for when I stray.



5 comments:

Ashley said...

I love that song!!! It is very inspiring!!!! I actually love most of laura story's songs!!!

I know how hard it can be to try to find the good in the bad, everyday is it's own journey and remember to let yesterdays thoughts go and start fresh with todays!!

kate said...

I'm thankful for YOU and for your honesty. Praying for your heart and this holiday. Love you!

E said...

I agree, I am thankful for your honesty and vulnerability as well. Grace...something none of us deserve, but oh so thankful I have received.

Sarah Autry said...

LOVE this blog post.

Callie Nicole said...

I just came across your blog, and I wanted to say that I'll be praying for you! I have so many friends who are having trouble getting pregnant, and it breaks my heart. It took us 11 months to get pregnant with our son, and while I know that's short in terms of how long others have been trying and not technically "infertile", it was still so stressful. You'll be going on my prayer list!