Thursday, September 29, 2011

Slightly Overwhelmed

This will be happening soon....

and I'm really not that excited about it.
 Now doesn't that look like a good time?

I had what you call an "IVF class" last week. This is where the Nurse Practitioner went over how to give myself injections. On the table she had literally had 3 different shots laid out for me to see. I then practiced on a fake piece of skin. Basically it was like a poke party.
As she was showing me all these different shots and making it very clear to me to me how I did not need to mess these things up I became slightly overwhelmed. I thought I was going to lose it right there in that office. Instead I waited till I got to the car. I started immediately feeling some anger creeping in.
I was mad the I have to do this and most people don't. I was mad about how unfair it was and how it seems everyone around me doesn't have a clue that it's this hard to get pregnant. I was just plain upset. So many emotions happen to you during this time. And they happen in waves. They come and go, and then come and go again. It's a vicious pattern really.
Marc asked me later that day, "What happened to your attitude of thankfulness about getting to do this?" I said that went out the door when I saw all those needles. Ha!
It took me a couple of days to get over it and then I was fine again. It was the first moment I had where I thought that I really can't do this. It is just too much to handle and everything has to work perfectly.


1Chronicles 16:34 
Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.

{Thank goodness for His Mercy and forgiveness. I would be a mess without it.}

Colossians 2:6 (NIV)
  6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

{The main reason I need to have an attitude of Thankfulness}

I would not be able to go through this hard time without God's grace, love and faithfulness. I'm definitely thankful for that!


{av} | {long distance loving} said...

Michelle, Michelle, Michelle...I'm so glad this was my introduction to your blog. As difficult as it may be, keeping that attitude of thankfulness is something that will always help you through. It sounds like you have an incredible husband {and certainly an incredible Lord!}...hang in there through all of this. I'll be praying for you all the way from Rhode Island! xoxo {av} | {long distance loving}

Ashley said...

YOU CAN do this!!! You will find your strength from deep within and your hubby ;)

waiting and wishing said...

You can do this! I promise the build up to those dang injections is WAY (like a million times!) harder than the actual shot itself. My trick for evening shots (which seemed to be a little itchy afterward) was to have something to do afterward to keep my mind busy. Good Luck, I'll be praying for you!

Linds said...

I'm SO sorry. I don't really have any other words than that. Praying for you...

GreenGirl said...

I would flip it around...
How BLESSED are you to:

a)be able to afford to have the oportunity to be ABLE to even do this...many are unable to even entertain the thought of IVF due to the cost

b)be able to be in this position in 2011. 20 years ago this would have not been an option for you and all other women; 20 years ago there were women with no options

c)you are healthy enough that your doctor feels that this is viable option and that he/she feels that by doing this you will be able to have a baby; many women are not even good candidates for IVF due to health reasons

Just a different spin on help you get through the shots


Every time I need to go through blood work, I think of the kids at the children's hospital I used to work with that were waiting for hearts and went through it like 10 times a day...and for me to be grateful that this was just a blood test.

It puts it into perspective.