Interrupted Expectations

Well I don't really even know where to begin to start the latest update, but all I can say I'm very thankful its a new week. Last week was a doozy, and a big one at that. I really think it may have been the lowest one yet since beginning this whole journey. Me being weepy would most likely be an understatement.

It all started on Fathers Day Sunday. I woke up extremely sad. I had my first symptom of pms and knew what that meant, plus it was a Holiday and a perfect reminder that we aren't yet parents. I'm not a fan of Holidays, birthdays or milestones these days. Its just plain hard, no way around that.
To give you some background info, we just finished our 3rd iui with my 6th round of clomid. This time I had 2 BIG egg follicles, which was terrific and the first time ever that has ever happened. I was feeling so positive and hopeful for this round to work. We had tons of people lifting us up in prayer and I felt so incredibly supported. Unfortunately, the inevitable happened, I started and was devastated. Probably more so than ever. I felt defeated, alone, sad, angry and just plain exhausted from it all. I just kept thinking, why God, why. I don't understand, although I do know he has a perfectly good reason.
So on top of all that, I also found out the next day that several people I know are expecting.  That is just never easy. I always feel mad and then seem to grieve about it each time. I hate that, I really do want to just be happy for everyone as I should be, it's just way easier said than done.
After one "mental health" day off from work and one major meltdown, and a lot of time talking to the Big guy, I started to feel better. I also had some sweet gifts and words of encouragement from my family and friends, which meant so much to me.

So for this month we have decided to take a break from everything. No drugs, no Dr's appointments, no procedures, nada. I feel really good about this, we want and need a break because it is so exhausting. Then I'm not sure about what the next step and months will look like. Praying about those next steps...whatever they may be.

1 Peter 1:6-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

 ⁶ So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. ⁷ These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

Baby Beck's Shower

Yesterday I had the opportunity to host a wonderful shower for my friend Louise. She is due with a boy at the end of July. This was the first shower i have actually ever hosted at my own home and I really enjoyed it. I have really started loving to plan parties. I loved doing my moms and I loved doing this one as well. There were 8 total hostesses so I had a ton of help which made it way less stressful.

Louise is my "hippy" friend, so I knew immediately that I wanted it to have an "earthy" theme to it. The colors were mainly green and cream with some blue thrown in. Instead of doing a lot of flowers we did plants that she could take home with her (which she loved). For food we did, cream cheese/cucumber/dill crackers, cupcakes, trail mix, hummus w/ pita chips, and fruit kabobs. It was the perfect summer baby shower menu. All pretty light and refreshing and it was all almost eaten!

 We had a blessings tree for her. People wrote sweet words of encouragement or prayers to her on little leaves. I sent her home with the tree and extra leaves so that when people come to visit her they can continue writing prayers/blessings to her, Ben and the baby.

 I made this banner on the cricut machine. I love that thing, it makes it so easy.

The fun party favors. Everyone went home with almost a whole garden because we had so many left over! One of the other hostesses did this and did such a wonderful job putting it all together.

I loved how they turned out.

Our hostess gift to the mom-to-be. A swing! I think she liked it.

Love her and can't wait to get my hands on that baby boy.

All the wonderful Hostesses that did a fantastic job helping me with everything,

I'm so thankful for the opportunity to have had a shower for Louise. It was a great time and a we had a pretty decent turn out. Hopefully she enjoyed it as much as we all did planning for it!

NYC bound

I'm so excited, last week Marc booked me a flight to NYC! He will already be working there during the week and I will fly out on the weekend so we can spend it together. Thankfully we had some free miles to use so it was a free trip for us to get there!
I never thought in a million years I would go to New York with Marc because he hates crowded places with lots of people, and does not enjoy large, busy cities. So it should be interesting. Ha!
I have been 2 other times, one with my fam and one time for a wedding and loved it both times.

If you have ever been, where is a good place to stay and what are some must-do's that are not-so-costly? {Medical bills and car bills are taking over our budget at a brisk pace right now}so we have to do this trip cheap! Our birthdays will be the very next week, so I'm pretending like it's our b-day trip!

I'm super excited to have a little get away, because this week has just about done me in. It has definitely been one of the more difficult ones. I will try to explain another day. For now, I'm just thankful to have something to look forward too.

Please leave me a comment telling me some things we should do!

Cake Recipe

Ok I promised the cake recipe we made for my dad for Fathers Day, so here it is.

1 box of white cake mix (prepare as usual)


Now for the good part:
Whipped Cream Cheese Icing

• 1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
• 1 cup white sugar
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream

Directions

1. In a small bowl beat whipping cream until stiff peaks form; set aside.
2. In a large bowl combine cream cheese, sugar, salt and vanilla. Beat until smooth, then fold in whipped cream.

We eat this cake at the lake every 4th of July and it is for sure a crowd pleaser. If there are several of us we have 2, because 1 just doesn't cut it. I promise you will not be disappointed. You could also do other toppings if you didn't want the fruit of top of it. It is also good without a topping because the icing is so yummy.

Happy Fathers Day

We had a great fathers day yesterday. I'm so thankful I got to spend part of the day with my dad at the lake. I know everyone says this, but seriously he is the sweetest, thoughtful man ever. I'm so blessed to have him in my life.



My Sis and I made a yummy cake for him. I will post the recipe later because it was that good!

This is his happy place all summer long! (and mine too)

Thanks dad for being so wonderful! I love you bunches.

Planning for Battle

I got home from the doctor this past Friday and opened up my Jesus Calling book. The first few lines on this devotion day was this:

 "Rest in me, Give your mind a break from planning asking My Spirit to take charge of details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant companion who sustains you moment by moment."

All I could do after I read this was think, "wow God, you really have a sense of humor." The reason that I think this is so funny is because I'm a HUGE planner. About 3 years ago Marc and I decided to open up a separate savings account and have it for a "baby" fund. We thought if we have a couple of years to save, we could at least pay our hospital bills and maybe buy a crib. I mean I'm pretty certain that a lot of people don't do this. I had also planned since the day we got married that we would be waiting 4-5 years before having kids. I was finishing up my senior year of college and then I had to have a major back surgery and needed another complete year to heal. Fast forward to the next 2 years, and we just weren't really in a financial place to have kids, nor were we ready. This now brings me to the past 2 years. I planned getting off birth control plenty of months in advance so then we could start TTC (trying to conceive) during the months that would allow me to have a spring baby. I did not want to have a a baby during the Holidays or hunting season. This past year we even put more money into our pre-paid medical card, just knowing we were going to need enough to cover a c-section
I also remember taking a walk with Marc and saying to him, I feel like something bad is going to happen and I just want to be ready for it, how can I prepare myself (again, who does this?) I honestly just felt like we had been having too easy of a time, so I knew a battle was coming, I could just feel it.

Now what I did not plan was for the journey we are currently on. I never ever in my life expected for us to have to deal with infertility. This was something that neither side of our families had dealt with, so it is all very new and shocking for us. I also never planned on several of our friends getting pregnant before us, I had only planned for a few. When that did not go according to MY plan, lots of bitterness set in. Bitterness is such an ugly thing. Thankfully, the Lord has freed me from that and has allowed me to find some purpose in what we are going through. The number one thing through all of this is that I have learned I CANNOT plan everything. I do not get to do that, it just doesn't work that way. I don't even think I realized how much of a ridiculous planner I actually was until all of this.

So all that to say when I read that, "take a break from planning, rest in Me." I was like, ok I get it and I'm tired of planning!!! Surrendering to Him feels so much better. It's definitely not the easiest thing to do, but He knew what He was doing to get me to understand that concept.

Jeremiah 29:11 

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

 

 

DON"T!

Baby Willow

A few weekends ago we had a sip and see for one of my really great friends, Jennie and her brand new baby Willow. For those that don't know what a "sip and see" is, it is a shower for someone that has already had the baby. So we sip punch and see the baby. Pretty sure its a southern thing. Who knows, either way we had one and we all got to meet baby Willow who unfortunately lives way too far away in Austin, TX. 

shower decor

 the lady of the hour

 sweet friends from high school!

 such a cutie, look at those yummy rolls

 besties since 9th grade

 Willow and Meg



It was so much fun getting to catch up with old friends and getting to meet babyWillow. I wish I lived close to her so I could just squeeze her everyday!

Sharing

I was inspired the other night while reading my devotional, "Rain On Me" by Holley Gerth. The title was Share Rather than Compare. My favorite quote from the devo was " When we share rather than compare, we lighten the weight of grief both for those around us and for ourselves because we truly begin to carry each other's burdens."
As I began thinking about this, I kept thinking to myself that is exactly right. If we never share our stories of pain, grief or hurt, how can we as believers ever help one another out? A lot of times we all think we can handle whatever we might be going through, but why wouldn't we want prayer warriors surrounding us?
The devo also talked about pain. The worst pain we will ever feel is our own. I know I compare my pain a ton, and always in the back of my mind I think it could always be worse. Another quote that I loved was, "That kind of comparison trivializes our hurt and keeps us from allowing ourselves to grieve." It made me realize it really is okay to embrace our hurt and it is okay to grieve about my particular situation.

I feel very passionate about sharing my story of infertility. Many people deal with this pain for years and never tell a soul (or maybe just their families), but for me getting it out there made me feel so much better. I feel supported from complete strangers, I have met new friends, and I know we are being prayed for, which is the most comforting of all. When I meet someone that is struggling with this ugly, miserable thing it creates an immediate bond that no one else can truly understand and I just can't imagine doing this alone.
So I encourage you all, if you have a story, share it. I promise you will be surprised how it may help someone else or encourage them that they are at least not alone in what they are going through.

Galatians 6:2
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ"


If you have a prayer request and feel led to share it, please leave me a comment or email me at
mlyount12{at}yahoo.com. I would love to pray for you...